‘Twas the night before Christmas, and back at the house
Preparations for influx of GOP louse;
Progress the target, like regs and healthcare,
Ready to face the teaparty stare;
The homeless and jobless put down their heads,
While hoping McCain would be upping his meds;
Mamma and I while shaking of heads,
were getting prepared, for next year with dread.
When out on the lawn, a loud sound like a truck,
So I sprang from the bed to see what the F&ck?
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon or some light source on new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of Orange-Glo to objects below,
It didn’t take long to discover the curse,
The new speaker arriving in a policy hearse,
With a weepy old driver, all glowing and junk,
I knew in a moment twas John Boehner drunk.
More rapid than vultures his cronnies they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Mining! now, Oil! now, Coal and Wall Street!
On, Wellpoint! on Pharma! regulations we’ll beat!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
We’ll strip away safety in a greed free for all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house with sinister plans,
A fistful of cash that the courts shoulda banned.
And then, in a twinkling, a sound very raw
The scratching and picking of each little claw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
In the house he came striding like a rodeo clown.
He glowed, lava like, from his toes to his ears,
And his cheeks a’streaming with crocodile tears;
A bundle of lobbyists clung to his back,
Scratching and clawing to get their payback.
His eyes — how they watered! his dimples had tone!
His cheeks were like oranges, his nose like a cone!
His edge of his mouth it twitched ever quicker,
And the air of his breathe was thick with strong liquor;
The stump of a cigarette held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a tanned face and no doubt a tanned belly,
And a moral compass as steady as jelly.
He was radically rigid, and uncompromising,
The fact that I shuddered seemed hardly surprising;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had better have dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Shredding the net for the poor, what a jerk,
And giving his finger to law with a boo,
defunded healthcare and financial regs too;
Then he sprang to his hearse, to his team gave a woot,
And away they all flew with their trickle up loot.
Ere he drove out of sight, you could just hear him rant
“Save all your progress? Hell no, you can’t!”
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